WELCOME TO 2026: 26 Shadowy Valleys I am grateful for
It’s the time of year when many newsletters and social media posts are rounding up the wonderful moments of the artistic year and it is so inspiring to see all the innovative work that is going on in our communities. However…..
Not everyone, not every artist or every arts organization has had a good year, and we shouldn’t be afraid to take note of this as well.
Constant ‘success’ is not realistic. The peaks and valleys of our careers are vital, they are mind-, heart- and/or path-changing.
Usually around this time of year, I write a list of things I am grateful for and this year I will not shy away from acknowledging the valleys that have caused shortness of breath, panic, paralysis, insomnia and fear. The story of Rumpelstiltskin reminds us that naming the monster takes away its power.
26 Shadowy Valleys I am grateful for, in no particular order
1. I am grateful for every physical, financial, artistic roadblock. I have not consistently met these challenges, I have cowered and run the other way, but cowering involves observation and running takes you to a new perspective.
2. Defeat and abandonment of plans released me to see a new way to conceive and stage “HOLOBIONT” and its duet form for Juan Villegas and me, in a shared program with Martha Hart. It turned out to be a beautiful event full of wonderful people.
3. Susan Kendal: someone I haven’t seen in years and who said just the right thing at just a dark time for me, illuminating how some people just get you regardless of time-space
4. Exhaustion: I finally let go of the idea that “working my hardest” meant putting in X number of hours of attention. Fussing over that one sentence in the grant application is not going to make the difference between a successful application or not. Press submit and have a glass of wine.
5. The death of one of our dear feral cats, and the loneliness of the remaining feral cat has led to her become a part-time indoor cat. Her constant purrs heal us all.
6. So many celebrities and public figures disappearing through drugs, filler, surgery, dieting. It triggers things in me I thought I had buried 20 + years ago. But I know that I want to dance more than I want to be skinny and the way to keep dancing at my age is to be strong. In this Rock-Paper-Scissors game, love of dance conquers body dysmorphia and social media
7. Social media, despite our constant complaints, has connected me to the music of Allison Russell, the artwork of Gordon Shadrach, the humour of Josh Johnson, Tero Saarinen’s choreography, and the dude that goes all over the world and tries to get people to dance in the streets with him. And cat videos. Thank the universe for banal and benign cat videos.
8. Jalapeno cheetohs. I know they are awful, and possibly evil. I don’t care.
9. A full-blown yelling match with my kid. Awful, but it’s supposed to happen. And we get better at recognizing our flaws, apologizing and remembering love.
10. I shut a heavy patio door on my thumb while in Cuba; the ever-morphing purple and white pattern of the bruise under the nail was fascinating for 4 months.
11. Losing the eyeglass pouch my mother made, with a blue-tailed skink needlepointed on it. It disappeared from my hotel room in Saskatoon. I am sad to have lost it but always a good reminder that what I love is not the thing itself but the memory of my mother.
12. Mess: the house has been a bit chaotic for the whole year which has been very challenging for me to cope with. However, the world did not end because things were disorganized.
13. Charley horses. I’ve so many this year. Keep doing your foot/ankle exercises Lucy!
14. System of a Down in concert. Now this was a very good thing, a wild and brilliant performance built on rage and sorrow about genocide, totalitarianism and materialism.
15. Dead mice in my yard. (evidence of love from the semi-feral cat)
16. Mediocre performances: we all see them, we all do them. Both experiences keep you humble and striving.
17. I fell on ice three times this year. (didn’t break anything)
18. 25+ rejections of projects, grant applications, residencies, admin jobs. But I’m still proposing and applying
19. Zombies, sentient fungus, aliens, Vecna: all much less scary than human beings
20. Reading a crappy book all the way through. In the end no redeeming qualities to it (for me) but I gave it a shot.
21. Saying no to things I feel guilty about saying no to. Mostly social events. I started this year thinking “I am not in a position to say no to anything” However, life proved that there is no consistent correct answer.
22. Love – it doesn’t stop bad things from happening
23. Love – it breaks your heart which makes the heart more loving
24. Love – because maybe nothing is eternal
25. Love – because maybe everything is eternal
26. Love – because we will never measure the smallest aspect of “matter”, “flow” or “universe”. Our sight and understanding of it will keep dividing until all relativity becomes unfathomable, until zombies, simulation, gods or monsters are all no longer useful containers for reality. And the singularity that put everything in motion, that made us and every heartless or heartful thing here, is the closest definition of love we will ever see.
© Lucy Rupert, January 2026
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